An Excerpt from Principles of Applied Stupidity
by Justin Locke
Fast-Minded Vs. Slow-Minded
One of the common associations we have with intelligence is the concept of faster mental “speed.” The ability to “think fast” or be “quick minded” is of course much preferred over the label of being “slow minded.” Taking too much time to finish a test or come to a decision is supposedly a sign of shameful stupidity. So of course to look smart, and to avoid the possibility of looking stupid, we all endeavor to think as fast as we possibly can.
Again, like so many definitions of smart and stupid, these definitions are based on subjective outside points of view and emotions, rather than logical observations or objective criteria. Or worse, they are designed to manipulate you.
First of all, it can be argued that thought (any kind of thought; your thought, my thought, an insect’s thought) all moves at the same speed. The little synaptic sparks of electricity in your brain aren’t moving any faster or slower than the little synaptic sparks of electricity in anyone else’s brain. (Incidentally, if you google the phrase “speed of thought,” you will get a jillion web pages that collectively say we don’t know what it is.)
So the idea that you can think faster than someone else, and this somehow makes you smarter, is very hard to prove, given the fact that we have no idea what the speed of thought actually is.
But even if faster thinking was possible (and who knows, maybe it is), in terms of faster mental speed being an asset generally, well that’s yet another interesting blanket assumption of smartist dogma.
Consider this question: Let’s say you are in a small group of people, perhaps walking down a sidewalk, or maybe taking a tour in a museum. Who determines the pace of the group, the fastest person or the slowest person? Answer: the slowest person.
Another example: If a bunch of mountain climbers are roped together, who determines their pace? Again, the pace of the team is determined, not by the fastest member, but by the slowest member. Yes, you can curse that slow member’s slowness if you like, and you can express your disapproval by calling them a stupid idiot for going so exasperatingly slow. But no matter—if the group desires to stay together (and most groups do), the slowest member has the power to determine the pace of the group.
A similar situation: Have you ever been driving on a winding, double-yellow median strip two-lane road, and you wanted go fast? How fast can you go? Answer: only as fast as the slowest person ahead of you. Conversely, if you are the slowest one on that same mountain road, you are determining the pace of everyone behind you. This leads us to
Principle #16:
Slowness of Mind, Not Quickness,
Puts You in Charge.
This may strike you as odd. After all, in our society, speed, especially mental speed, is generally thought of as a good thing. So let us dig a little deeper.
Even though high speed thinking is generally thought to be good, high rates of speed in most other endeavors are not thought to be good. Haste, hurry, rushing, recklessness . . . these are not positive states of being. In fact, very often, speed implies a state of fear.
Just a few examples: most animals move the fastest when they are afraid of getting eaten. When people get nervous, their heart rates speed up, and they talk faster.
Fast thinking is similar to fast physical movement; it, too, is usually an expression of fear. You can praise “fast thinking” all you want, but most of the time that’s just what “fast thinking” is: a panicked fear response. Calm, “slow” thinking is less driven by fear, and since slow thinking is generally more careful and more methodical, it is generally more accurate. Therefore, given its greater accuracy, one could argue that calm, slow thinking is more “intelligent.”
One of the main reasons people tell you that it is good to be “smart” and to “think fast” is because they don’t want you to think too carefully. Instead, they want you to quickly conform to their pace and their way of thinking. How often do we get information that urges us to make a quick decision? “Act now, last one, this is it, going out of business”—? This is often done in an effort to pressure or frighten you into making a snap decision that may not be in your best interests. If you were to think carefully and slowly you would be less likely to buy certain items. People who want to influence or even control you want you to think less carefully; hence, there is lots of praise and reinforcement for fast thinking, and there is general disapproval of slow, careful thinking.
We curse slow thinkers or slow drivers because they have so much more influence over us than fast ones. A fast driver or fast thinker has no control over you. A fast driver will drive around you and leave you alone, or they will slow down and adjust to your speed. Either way, they cannot affect your pace. A slow driver, on the other hand, has enormous control. If they are on the road ahead of you, you have to adjust to them.
Speed and intelligence are the ability to adjust. Slowness and stupidity are attributes that force others to adjust to you.
When someone condemns your slow careful thinking, they are probably trying to manipulate your behavior and make you conform to their pace. Again, we discover that the word “stupid” really means disapproval. This is easily countered by the application of Principle #11 (i.e., Embracing Your Inner Idiot). Accepting your stupidity frees you from the power of Principle #4 (Fear of Looking Stupid Is an Enormous Force) that overwhelms most people.
When you think fast or drive fast, well, sometimes this is great, but it also raises the likelihood of making an error that could be harmful to you. So when people scowl at you and tell you are thinking too slowly for their taste, take it as a compliment. It doesn’t mean you are stupid. It means you being responsible to yourself. It means you are not letting them control you, intimidate you, or boss you around. It means you are commanding the pace of yourself and of the group, and you are not letting fear rule your thinking.